ForeWord Reviews

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How To Catch and Keep a Vampire

A Step-By-Step Guide to Loving the Bad and the Beautiful

Foreword Review — Nov / Dec 2009

“Spare a pint and gain a friend, perhaps forever.” In other words, giving a suitable quantity of blood freely and hospitably to an in-need vampire might help a reader who is truly hoping to take a walk on the wild side. Esoteric information on the world of these immortals is presented neatly, tongue-in-wan-cheek, in this compact guidebook geared to winning the heart of a vampire.

With the proliferation of all-things-vampire in the media—movies, books, television, stylish Halloween costumes—it’s a wonder that a matchmaker has not stepped forward sooner with a tome bridging this cultural divide. Becoming intimate with a being from the dark side and hoping to live to tell about it must not be taken lightly.

A word of advice to male readers, though. The book is heavily skewed toward women readers on the prowl for that perfectly coiffed, handsome immortal with a taste for the crimson. Guys, not generally prone to asking for directions, will have to wing it and hope they hook up with a supernatural female mentor who is patient.

The book does dispel many of the myths perpetuated by Hollywood types who had not done their homework. Vampires can be photographed—as long as a digital camera is used. And thanks to a beverage called Liquid Shade, vampires can now work day jobs, imperious to the sun’s rays. Getting bitten by a vampire no longer automatically means turning into one. With some restraint, both mortal and immortal can maintain a relationship more satisfying than anything mere mortal couples could ever attain.

Lest this subject be seen as too pedantic and lifeless, the author presents these useful dating tips and caveats as FAQs, shared personal experience, advice-seeking letters to the author from the curious, case studies, and essays on vampiric nature by vampire academicians. The author keeps the mood light with such headings as “And the Bite Goes On” and “Immortality has its Perks.”

The author’s presentation succeeds in enticing the reader into taking the chance of flirting with the other side. But there are limits to experimentation, the author warns. Forever can be a long time. And stay away from the zombies. (October) Karl Kunkel