I Left Myself in Vietnam
The underappreciated horrors, hardships, and sacrifices endured by Vietnam War soldiers are honored in the memoir I Left Myself in Vietnam.
US Army veteran Nam Sam’s candid memoir I Left Myself in Vietnam reflects on his wartime service, showing how it shaped his life.
Handling veterans’ issues like survivor’s guilt in candid form, this gritty book covers combat in terms of its emotional toll and with the benefit of hindsight. There are stories about adrenaline chasing, guilt, and forming special bonds with fellow veterans. But the book also departs from its strict chronological retelling at times, with entire chapters devoted to ruminations on subjects like the lives lost to war and what constitutes a real hero.
Most personal is the book’s account of the war’s lingering effects. Nam Sam (a pseudonym) notes that the experience left him guarded, even unable to form close connections with others. Later, he says, he took unnecessary risks as he chased his next fix, trying to recapture the life-or-death stakes that he had been subjected to during combat. The war, he writes, is still with him: “everyone dies at least a little on the battlefield.”
Palpable details and evocative descriptions arise throughout the book. In recalling a quiet moment of respite during which he was able to recognize the beauty of the jungle, Nam Sam notes:
Some sunbeams were able to penetrate here and there, heating up the wet ground and creating magical, misty steam. The birds and monkeys filled the air with every kind of sound we could possibly imagine.
The prose is not always so precise, though. Leeches are described as cannibals, and the book claims improbable unanimity in public sentiment.
But familiar criticisms of the Vietnam War are also present. Nam Sam asserts that politicians tied soldiers’ hands and cites generalized examples: soldiers had to call to get permission to return fire in free-fire zones, he says. However, these arguments are short on the more specific details that might refresh them. Further, the book is brief and concludes in way that dishonors what came before it—with commentary that veers toward pontification and gathering generalized grievances. Poems written over the years following the war are also gathered here, but their verses are inconsistent—sometimes made up of singsong rhymed couplets, sometimes free verse. These lines course with raw emotion, expressing profound guilt and unadulterated rage, but their techniques are unrefined, as when they deploy all-caps for emphasis or are prefaced by lengthy dedications.
The forthright war memoir I Left Myself in Vietnam covers a deployment and its lasting scars.
Reviewed by
Joseph S. Pete
Disclosure: This article is not an endorsement, but a review. The publisher of this book provided free copies of the book and paid a small fee to have their book reviewed by a professional reviewer. Foreword Reviews and Clarion Reviews make no guarantee that the publisher will receive a positive review. Foreword Magazine, Inc. is disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.
