With Love
A Practical Guide to Caring for Aging Parents Through the End of Life
In the thoughtful caregiver’s guide With Love, caregiving is presented as work that benefits from preparation, communication, and empathy.
In Shari Hofer and Shabnam Kazmi’s compassionate family wellness guide With Love, difficult transitions are addressed with clarity.
Part memoir, part family manual, the book draws on its authors’ years of caregiving for their parents to suggest an organized path through the stages of the process, from early decision-making to the aftermath of loss. It models approaching caregiving as work that benefits from preparation, communication, and empathy. Divided into three sections on preliminary decision-making, daily challenges, and moving forward, it covers the medical, financial, and emotional considerations of caregiving in straightforward language.
Each chapter is deliberate in pairing illustrative anecdotes with guidance, ending with reflective questions and concise takeaways. The stories exemplify humanizing candor, as when Kazmi recreates her mother’s dementia diagnosis and the doctor’s declaration “Your mother’s brain has shrunk by the size of an apple,” and where Hofer notes that her father “was most happy saying goodbye to the doctor as he walked out the door.” The subsequent lessons, such as to prepare legally and financially for what’s to come, are presented as stages of a project, complete with planning, in-process assessments, and reviews, making outwardly overwhelming experiences feel approachable.
The prose eschews sentimentality, trusting the shared experiences to convey enough. Its clarity and restraint give weight to its quiet revelations, as with the understanding that being realistic about the inevitability of death and decline can lead to more meaningful living in the moment. Indeed, the book’s willingness to confront the discomfort surrounding death is a standout element. It reframes end-of-life care as a conversation that must move into the open, infusing its pages with a sense of purpose.
While the book acknowledges that the experiences it shares reflect privileges including financial security and supportive networks, it bridges gaps for others by encouraging them to be flexible and empathetic, focusing on practicality over perfection. Still, there is not much in the way of direct advice for caregivers without similar privileges. Further, the advice throughout is delivered in a professional if procedural tone that jars with the vulnerability shown in the personal stories. In addition, not all of the book’s medical and legal specifics are cited or supported with outside sources.
Despite such shortcomings, this proves to be an organized, humane, and unpretentious caregiver’s guide that explores caregiving as both a duty and an opportunity. It achieves an equilibrium between its emotional revelations and functional guidance, supporting its position that keen preparation, even in the face of loss, can be a form of love.
With Love is a sincere and actionable caregiver’s guide to approaching painful family moments with undaunted care.
Reviewed by
John M. Murray
Disclosure: This article is not an endorsement, but a review. The publisher of this book provided free copies of the book and paid a small fee to have their book reviewed by a professional reviewer. Foreword Reviews and Clarion Reviews make no guarantee that the publisher will receive a positive review. Foreword Magazine, Inc. is disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.
