This Incredible Longing
Finding My Self in a Near-Cult Experience
Blair Glaser’s intimate, breathtaking memoir is about her spiritual entanglements with Siddha Yoga, a practice of meditation, servitude, and inner reflection that she undertook with the ashram of Guru Gurumayi.
Fresh out of college, Glaser was an aspiring actor and singer who was lost in deep depression. Experiencing suicidal ideation, she was saved through the repetition of a mantra that she half-heard at a Siddha Yoga Center. In repeating this chant, inexplicable peace washed over her, empowering her to take a dedicated interest in Siddha Yoga as led by enchanting, charismatic Guru Gurumayi. As Glaser became more tethered in this practice and particular ashram, she learned more about mindfulness, herself—and, in a shocking turn of events, the foibles of organized power.
The prose is honest and empathetic. The dissonance Glaser experienced between gratitude and critique of the ashram is used to showcase its captivating world. There, she unpacked the traumas of her past and experienced deep longing, drawing her closer to Guru Gurumayi. In treating the scandals around Gurumayi, which involved abuse and power struggles, the text is nuanced and layered. It conveys Glaser’s own, often positive experiences at the ashram, too, from her transformative improvements in self-worth to the everyday minutiae of consuming rich chai and biryani in its food halls. Her generous depictions extend to the most important people in her life, as well: her family, who gave her a flawed but loving upbringing; her closest friend, Gabby, who introduced her to Siddha Yoga and Guru Gurumayi; her mentor and therapist, Kate, who was unyielding in her honesty; and the many swamis and fellow devotees at the ashram.
This Incredible Longing is a memoir about multiple comings-of-age, coming to terms with oneself, and finding a personal rhythm and inner peace.
Reviewed by
Natalie Wollenzien
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