Foreword Reviews

Insecure in Love

How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do about It

Exercises for mindfulness increase the wisdom in this book of relationship advice.

Well researched and well written, Insecure in Love, by Leslie Becker-Phelps, outlines different attachment styles to help people overcome obstacles to finding the love they deserve.

Becker-Phelps comes to this book with exceptional background in providing assistance to people in all aspects of their lives. She has served as a director of women’s psychological services and as a chief of psychology. Her writing style is accessible even to lay readers. The use of examples from her own practice adds to her ability to reach a wide variety of readers.

This book is written in a conversational style that avoids the typical jargon of many self-help books. Because of this, the veracity of the advice Becker-Phelps offers is increased. She provides practical, real-world, no-nonsense wisdom, like “To improve your intimate relationships, you must look at your role in creating problems—or at what you do to prevent relationships from even getting started.”

Another strong point in Insecure in Love is the list of references included at the end of the book. Over forty sources are listed, ranging from articles from various psychological journals to some tried-and-true books on attachment theory. Becker-Phelps states, “My thoughts with regards to attachment theory and compassionate self-awareness have been possible only with the foundation that they [the researchers mentioned] laid.”

Much of the advice offered centers around becoming more aware of one’s own personal attachment style formed in early childhood and adapting responses to relationship issues to that particular style. Not only does she attempt to make readers recognize their own relationship style, but she helps in dealing with that style to make relationships stronger and healthier.

Included in the book are various exercises that people looking for relationship advice can use to focus on issues or solutions to attachment problems. These exercises are incorporated seamlessly into the chapters, and they are easy to follow. They are often referenced in later chapters, so there is follow-through on what one learns from them. A number of mindful Buddhist exercises are also included in the suggestions, including loving-kindness, meditation, and self-awareness. Most of her exercises simply involve charting and more closely examining emotions and situations to evaluate the hows and whys of individual reactions. In essence, many of the exercises point the reader toward journaling for personal awareness.

This book is highly recommended to those looking to become more self-aware and to learn how to give and accept love in their own way.

Reviewed by Lynn Evarts

Disclosure: This article is not an endorsement, but a review. The author of this book provided free copies of the book to have their book reviewed by a professional reviewer. No fee was paid by the author for this review. Foreword Reviews only recommends books that we love. Foreword Magazine, Inc. is disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.

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