Finding a Man Worth Keeping
101 Dating Secrets that Work
“During my twenties and thirties, I dated more than one hundred men—ninety-seven of whom asked me out for a second date. I know the secrets for attracting a man.” So the author boldly summarizes her qualifications to guide single women in their search for the perfect mate. In the pages that follow, Rogers sensibly and—perhaps most important—humanely expounds on ten “secrets” that, she believes, provide women the best chance of success in their quest.
Formerly a Hollywood talent agent, Rogers holds a bachelor’s degree in journalism from California State University at Long Beach and a master’s degree in theology from Fuller Theological Seminary. These are disparate credentials, to be sure; Rogers is no psychologist, marriage counselor, or professional matchmaker. How, then, do her varied experiences make her a better dating advisor? The answer can be found in Rogers’s second dating secret: those experiences make her a more well-rounded person, and thus a better date herself. “The fact is,” she writes, “what you do in your single life enables you to eventually have the married life you want.” Pursuing one’s dreams and interests makes one more interesting, which in turn makes one “a prize worth winning,” as Rogers puts it.
Her tips are down-to-earth, achievable, and helpfully specific. Rogers tells her readers exactly how to determine what they want in a spouse, even printing her own “husband wish list” as an example. She also guides her readers in reflecting over their lives, with a view to becoming healthier, happier, more spiritual, and even better-looking. Hearteningly, Rogers encourages women not to settle for a man who does not appreciate them. Instead, she counsels women to value themselves enough to say good-bye to an abusive, critical, or otherwise unworthy partner. “If someone you are dating is wonderful to everyone else in the world but critical, rude, or mean to you,” she writes, “you must leave the relationship. Don’t fall into the easy trap of thinking you’re the problem, and if you change, he’ll treat you better.”
Portions of the book will doubtless give offense to some readers. In this day and age, calling a woman a “prize” unironically, or asserting that women should seek a “pursuer” (“a strong man who can take care of you physically and financially”), is sure to raise eyebrows. Likewise, Rogers seems unaware of the phenomenon of the stay-at-home dad when she says that women “usually have a choice about whether we want to continue working in the marketplace or stay home … The man doesn’t have that same choice.”
For readers looking for sage and sensible dating tips, however, Rogers has much to offer. In addition, her friendly, gentle tone makes it easy to discard ideas with which the reader may not agree, while taking the author’s words of wisdom to heart.